Not Book Related

Such a Scary Time for?

Okay, so recently there has been a lot going on in the news with sexual assault and the #Metoo movement with Dr. Ford and Brett Kavanaugh.  And I want to talk about it.

First off, Believe Survivors. If that’s the only thing you take from this, believe that.

When I was 17, I had a married man who was at least 60 that lived on my street drive up to me. I was behind my trash and recycling dumpsters, pulling them back up to the back of my house where I lived. I was wearing athletic shorts, a thin jacket zipped up all the way to the top, and flip flops. This man stopped, looked me up and down, and said “If you were 10 years older, I would take you out to dinner.” I can’t tell you how uncomfortable I was.

When I was 18, 30 year old men rolled down their windows next to me at a stoplight and started shouting at me.

When I was 18, I got called a slut and many other horrible terms because I refused to send nudes and I wasn’t interested in them. This happened on more than one occasion.

There are so many other worse stories. And I get that men can get raped and sexually assaulted, it’s just way more uncommon. Dr. Ford has been a light to women that have struggled with their stories.

It’s a scary time for both men and women.  But it’s a scarier time for women. I get scared walking to my car on my night shifts. I can’t wear a bikini outside of my backyard in fear. I’m scared to go to the bar alone one day.

I can understand that it’s scary for men to be falsely accused.  But let’s be real, it’s pretty unlikely that that’s what happens. I mean yall are literally trying to get Bill Cosby out of jail even after he has been accused of sexual assault and rape by so many women.

There’s a teacher at my high school that is being accused of being a pedophile because he has been texting younger girls and trying to have sex with them. He resigned at his old school for this exact same thing, but the previous school didn’t report him so my old high school hired him not knowing that he liked to prey on young girls which he is doing again.

This climate is scary. Here’s a few books I recommend to learn about rape, why people don’t report, and why you should believe survivors: Girl Made of Stars by Ashley Herring Blake and The Way I Used To Be by Amber Smith.

Watch this video as well:

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Not Book Related

Why is writing used as punishing?

I recently had a discussion in my English class about how writing is used as a punishment. “Write ‘I will not tell lies’ 100 times”, “Write an essay about what you did wrong.”

We talked about how this leads to people not liking writing and literacy later in life.

But we also talked about how nobody ever uses math or science as a punishment. It’s always writing and because of that an aversion to literacy is born.

We didn’t come up with a solid answer as to why that was, but I honestly think people value math and science so much more because it helps us so much in the world. I think that we as a society don’t understand that reading is something that is used in daily lives. If you can’t read, you can’t understand the math problem, science questions, road signs, etc. Literacy is just not seen as important.

What do you guys think?

Not Book Related

Why is Chris Brown still relevant?

I was listening to a podcast recently. Views by David Dobrik and Jason Nash. Two Youtubers I enjoy. And David is 21 and you wouldn’t think he would bring this up. But he brought Chris Brown and the fact that he is still relevant even after hurting Rihanna.

If a woman had done this, she would be blacklisted and never spoken of again. Winona Ryder shoplifted years ago and people still hate her to do this day. But a man? Physically abusing a woman is okay apparently. He still is making music. He still has money. He still is relevant in today’s world.

But why? Why should a man who obviously assaulted a woman be not held accountable?  Why is it okay for him to continue making music while Rihanna has to worry about that happening again?

This has been something weighing on me lately. I’m interested in hearing your thoughts because in my book, this isn’t okay.

Not Book Related

Racism.

This subject I could talk about in so many blog posts….

But I heard a quote today ( the day I’m writing this) that “racism is everywhere. in the air we breathe.”

And like wow? That’s so deep. I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Because when you think about it. Racism is everywhere. So how do we fight it?

We say that we’re not racist, but we are in a way. We’ve grown up listening to all these racist things, all these stereotypes. And we might know they aren’t true, but it’s still in our mind whenever we see someone of a certain race.

We fight it by shaking those thoughts off whenever we see someone of a certain race. We can combat those people that say those things. We can be the people that advocate for racial equality (especially if we’re privileged.)

As Gandhi said, “Be the change you want to see in the world.”

Until Next Time,

Alex

Not Book Related

Going back to college!

So this is a little late considering I’m sure most people are back in college or school. Some people aren’t, but the majority are.

Now I can’t tell you what it is about the first week of school that makes me so tired. I think it might be because of getting used to a schedule and needing to use your brain to do homework or whatever it is you need to do. It’s a lot. And honestly, the first week of school can be so stressful. For college students, you get thrown right back into homework, lectures, and labs.

It’s like you have the three months off for summer and then all of a sudden, your mind is working on overdrive to keep track of all the new things going on. It’s not easy. And by the time you get done on Friday, all you want to do is collapse in bed and sleep for hours. Which is exactly what I did oops.

But now? This week I finally moved home and out of the dorms, so I’m officially a commuter. Now I have to get used to getting up early, taking care of my dogs, driving to class, and coming home. Not to mention staying on campus or close to campus on the days I have to work.

 

Not Book Related

Loneliness

Let’s talk about loneliness.

During my first year of college, I was lonely. I had a few friends I hung out with that ended up completely abandoning me.  So my second semester, I had pratically no one. I had the friends that I talked to when I saw them, but none I hung out with. I spent my nights sleeping, eating, with Netflix, and Youtube. It helped a lot. But I spent a lot of time inside my own head.

That’s not bad, but I was depressed. There were days that I had issues getting myself out of bed. I didn’t want to go to class. I wanted to disappear. I wanted to go home and forget about this place. But now?

Now, I still spend a lot of time alone. My mom works 4 days a week, my friends are busy, some of the people I was friends with in high school I’m not friends with anymore. So it makes things a little difficult. I do see my close friends quite a bit. But the things is? I like to spend time alone. Ilove being home alone with my two dogs. I love sitting diwn and listening to music and writing. Sure, I want to make new friends at this new college. I’m praying for it. But god knows, I’m terrified of sitting alone in my room with no one. The only thing that keeps me going right now is the fact that I will be 20 minutes away from home. 20 minutes away from my dogs. 20 minutes away from my mom. 20 minutes aeay from everyone in my life that has helped me become who I am today.

So yes I’m scared of being alone again, but now? I’m not as scared. I’m ready to put that first year behind me and lok ahead to what will hopefully be a wonderful year.

Until Next Time,

Alex

Not Book Related

Toxic Friends and Toxic Relationships

Let’s talk about toxic relationships and toxic friends.

Luckily, I haven’t personally been in a toxic relationship in a long time. But I have had toxic friends in my life. Some of those friends were people that I really trusted. But they were hurting me. Some of my best friends were toxic. They weren’t doing anything to better me. I wasn’t becoming a better person while being with them.

The defintion of toxic is poisonous. So that means that toxic people are basically poisonous to you. They hurt you, they make you a worse person. And in a lot of cases they leave you. Or sometimes you have to leave them to make yourself better.

In the past few years, I’ve had a lot of toxic friendships. Now, I don’t have many friends. But the people in my life, I know absolutely care about me and love me. They are people I can talk to about anything and not feel judged whatsoever. I’m happy with that.

I didn’t have that before. I had people that judged me on everything I did. On who I dated (which tbh I needed), but they judged me on who I liked. Now? I have the types of friends that not only care about me, but tell me what I need to hear, not just what I want to hear.

I’m not in the best place, but I’m getting there. I think everyone gets into toxic friendships or relationships at some point in their life, but they get out of it. It’s like a rite of passage, but getting out of it makes you stronger.

 

 

Not Book Related · Poetry

Broken by Alex Hill

He said he loved me.

Said I was the one.

I believed him.

I loved him when he got mean.

I knew he had a bad day at work.

That’s all it was.

Until he started coming home drunk every night.

Hitting me, kicking me, punching me.

Leaving me, bleeding on the floor.

I wanted to leave, but he would find me.

He would kill me and make sure no one found out.

So I stayed. I didn’t want to.

I wanted to run into my mom’s arms,

Take all my belongings and never look back.

I wanted to start over, find a new dream.

I wanted to find someone else to love me.

But every time I thought about it, he was sweet.

He picked me off my feet, brought me flowers.

He reminded me why I couldn’t leave every night.

He would hunt me down, my family, whoever I stayed with.

He would kill me, my family, whoever I ran to.

He was stronger, he was smart, he would find me.

So I stayed. In hopes one day he would leave.

Not Book Related

19 Things I’ve Learned In the Past Year

  1. People are going to hurt you. But you can get through it.
  2. Some people are fake. It’s a part of life.
  3. Don’t waste your time on boys. Or girls, whatever your preference is.
  4. Don’t let anyone tear you down.
  5. If you look bad when you see your ex, own it. Act like you are in your favorite outfit. It might not have any effect on them, but it will make you feel good.
  6. It’s okay to take a day off for mental health.
  7. Don’t be afraid to talk to your professors/teachers. I needed to do this a few times in the last month and it was so helpful.
  8. Don’t ever talk to your exes or anyone you used to talk to. If it didn’t work out the first time, it won’t again. There’s a reason things ended.
  9. Find someone who will always be there for you.
  10. Don’t be afraid to let people go that are bad for you.
  11. You don’t have to be friends with your college roommate.
  12. College is just like high school, just older and more difficult.
  13. College boys are not that great.
  14. Fire drills are actually the worst.
  15. Don’t be afraid to stay home for college.
  16. Do what is best for you.
  17. Try to be nice, but don’t be a pushover.
  18. College Athlete Boys are some of the worst guys I have ever met.
  19. Mental health is so important. Never ever say it isn’t because it is.

Until Next Time,

Alex